Dating Culture and Customs in Japan

You can find a few helpful tips for dating a Japanese person below.

Preparing before the date

Method of communication: It is common to use LINE or email when arranging dates to decide on specific details such as the date, time, and location in advance. Sending a confirmation message the day before a date is also considered polite.

Choosing a location for the date

Location for the first date: For a first date, it is preferable to choose a place where you can relax and that is not overwhelming. Cafes, restaurants, and parks are commonly used.

Etiquette During the Date

It is especially important on the first date to respect each other’s privacy and personal space, maintaining an appropriate distance. The tendency is to avoid overly intimate behavior.

Punctuality

Japanese people value time highly. Not being late for the agreed time is a sign of good manners.

Payment

Depending on the situation, you can make things go smoothly later by discussing how to handle the payment in advance. Generally, the man will pay, but splitting the bill is becoming more common.

Communication

Understatement

In general terms, Japanese people are reserved and do not express their emotions in an exaggerated manner. Pay attention to the non-verbal communications of the other person.

Express empathy

It is important to listen to others and express empathy. It is preferable to use moderate responses and reactions.

Special Events

Christmas

Christmas is considered a special event for couples in Japan. People often go out to view illuminations or arrange special dinners together.

Valentine’s Day and White Day

The tradition in Japan is for women to give chocolate to men on February 14th, and then on March 14th, so-called White Day, it is common for men to give a return gift to the women.

Other customs and points of which to take note

Gifts

Commonly, small presents are given on special days or occasions. You should choose something that matches the hobbies or preferences of the other person.

Family introductions

As the relationship progresses and deepens, there will come a time when you want to make introductions of each other to the respective families. This is considered to be a major step.

Towards Your Marriage

1. Greeting and family relations

The importance of family: In Japan, a lot of emphasis is placed on the opinions of family members. It is common practice to greet your partner’s parents and relatives before marriage. Ordinarily, you will greet your partner’s parents and relatives before getting married.
Greetings: You are expected to dress and speak in a respectful manner. It is particularly important that you use polite Japanese when speaking to family members who are older than you.

2.Wedding ceremony and engagement

Japanese wedding ceremonies: There are a huge range of styles including traditional ceremonies at shrines or temples, to modern ceremonies at hotels and restaurants. In many cases, a second or third after-party will also be held.
Monetary gifts: When participating in a wedding ceremony, it is common to bring monetary gifts (money given as a celebration). Although the amount varies depending on the relationship and venue involved, the average amount given tends to be between 30,000 and 50,000 yen.

3.Lifestyle practices

Housing: Japanese housing tends to be smaller than its Western equivalent. It is customary to remove one’s shoes when entering the house.
Bathing: The bath is a shared space, and all family members use the same bath water. The common practice is to wash oneself in the shower before getting in the bathtub.

4.Differences in food culture

Japanese food and etiquette: Japan’s food culture has its own specific etiquette. For example, the method of using chopsticks, the manner of holding a rice bowl, and eating without making noise are some such characteristics.

5.Laws and procedures

Marriage procedures: Marriage procedures in Japan may appear complicated to foreigners. It is advisable to check the required documents and procedures in advance.
Visa and residency: If you are planning to stay in Japan after marriage, a visa is required. It’s a good idea to gather information about applying for a spouse visa or permanent residency.

By understanding these points in advance, you can proceed smoothly with a marriage between different cultures. It is important to respect each other’s culture and respond flexibly.

Unique Japanese Customs and Culture

１. Way of spending New Year (O-shogatsu)

O-sechi – During New Year, there is a custom of eating a special food called “O-sechi.” This food incorporates the meaning of praying for the health and good fortune of your family.
Hatsumode: Commonly, Japanese people visit shrines or temples at the start of the new year to pray for peace and happiness in the coming year. This is a tradition known as “Hatsumode.”

2. Annual events

Setsubun: During Setsubun in February, people throw beans while saying “Oni wa soto, Fuku wa uchi.” This is intended to drive away demons and invite in good fortune.
Hinamatsuri (Girls’ Festival): On March 3rd, the Girls’ Festival is held to pray for the health and happiness of girls. Hina dolls are displayed and celebrated at this time.
Tango-no Sekku: May 5th is the day to celebrate the growth of boys, marked by the display of carp streamers and warrior dolls.

３. Ochugen and Oseibo

Ochugen and Oseibo: There is tradition of giving gifts as a way of expressing gratitude in July or December. Conventionally, these gifts are given to family members or colleagues.

４. Words and etiquette

Honorific/humble language: Hierarchical relationships are important within the Japanese language and being able to differentiate between honorific and humble language depending on the situation is important.
Gratitude/apologies: The words “Arigato (thank you)” and “Sumimasen (sorry)” tend to be frequently used. The active use of words expressing gratitude and apology is important for building good relationships.”

５. Greetings and bowing

Greetings and bowing: These are important parts of etiquette in Japan. Bowing politely is expected when meeting somebody for the first time or when you need to interact with your superiors.
Gifts when visiting: When visiting somebody’s home, it is customary to take a small gift. This is a way of expressing your gratitude to the host.

These customs and practices reflect unique aspects of Japanese culture, and understanding and accepting these, will help you live a smooth and fulfilling married life.

Summary

Japanese culture and customs often require attentiveness and proper manners, and this is not limited to dating. By understanding and putting these into practice, you can build strong relationships. When dating a Japanese person, respect each other’s customs and spend an enjoyable time.