Tell me! Information on matchmaking rules & etiquette
Matchmaking rules and etiquette section
Some general rules and etiquette guidelines have been set by the federation in order that all members can look for marriage partners through matchmaking with full peace of mind. This section covers the matchmaking rules and etiquette to which our members need to adhere.
Members should carefully review the following content and engage in activities with mutual consideration, with the goal of achieving a pleasant experience for all.
Matchmaking rules & etiquette section.
Matchmaking rules & etiquette-matchmaking section.
Matchmaking rules & etiquette-dating section.
Matchmaking results report
About changing your profile information
If there is any change to the information you have submitted, please notify us without delay.
(This covers everything, including telephone number, email address, address, occupation, and annual salary)
About the management of information
When the profile of other members is sent by our company by post, be sure to return this after checking the profile. It is prohibited to show member profile information to a third party, either in the form sent by post or via a terminal used, such as a PC or smartphone, etc.
Additionally, the posting of details about your activities, relationship status, or your impressions about your matchmaking partner on social media, blogs, or message boards accessible to a large number of people is also strictly prohibited. Make sure you are mindful of this, as, depending on the content, your activities may be discontinued.
Applications for matchmaking meetings
Once you apply for matchmaking, you cannot withdraw merely for your own convenience. Wait for the reply from the other person. The valid application limit is 10 days. Once 10 days pass without a reply, the match automatically fails to be established.
If you get an OK response from the other party, the rule is that you must go on the matchmaking meeting. So be careful when making applications.
When you want to apply for a meeting with somebody far away from you, make sure you discuss this with your counselor in advance.
When you receive a matchmaking meeting application
It is good manners to respond within one week. It is rude to keep the other person waiting a long time, and you may miss out on the opportunity for a valuable connection.
Additionally, if you do not have time within your schedule to meeting within the next month, refrain from casually accepting the application. (The same applied when making the application yourself) Discuss this with your counselor if you face issues.
If the matchmaking is established
Once the matchmaking is established in the IBJ system, be sure to arrange the matchmaking schedule within one week. (The actual date for the matchmaking meeting may be later on. Let them know your desired date within one month, in principle.)
If you communicate your desired date when accepting the application, arrangement of the schedule will go more smoothly. Be sure to keep the dates you suggested as your preferred options for the meeting available and avoid scheduling other plans until the meeting date is confirmed.
Regarding the matchmaking meeting place
You can choose the matchmaking meeting place after consulting with your counselor, but basically this will involve meeting in a lounge at a city hotel or one of our salons. When moving from the meeting place to a location other than the hotel to have coffee, etc. make sure that the location is not too casual. (Avoid coffee chain stores).
It is also bad manners to wait until the day before looking at the profile of the other party. Go into the matchmaking meeting after reading the other person’s profile carefully in advance.
Matchmaking rules & etiquette – matchmaking meeting edition
Clothes to wear to the matchmaking meeting
Men should give a serious impression by wearing a suit, or a shirt and jacket. Women should dress in a way that is mindful of the other person, when considering TPO (time, place, and occasion.) The first impression is important.
On the day of the matchmaking meeting
Be sure to arrive at the specified location 10 minutes in advance. Avoid means of transport where it is difficult to calculate time, such as by car. Make sure you can be contacted urgently on the day (in general by mobile telephone). If you are going to be even several minutes late or are unable to meet the other partner at the designated time, be sure to contact us. (Avoid leaving the specified location before contacting us by telephone. We will need to contact the other party via their agency, so please contact us at an early stage.
When you find the other party.
Introduce yourself by saying, ‘Nice to meet you, I’m ○○. Thank you for taking the time to see me today.’ Address the other person in a cheerful way, clearly stating your name, and bow slightly. It is a rule and also considered good manners for the man to initiate the conversation
Subjects of conversation during the matchmaking meeting
Speak in a cheerful, clearly manner, making sure you smile pleasantly throughout. Focus your conversation on the positive aspects of the other person. It is inappropriate and bad manners to express displeasure, even if you don’t feel a connection with the other person. Don’t forget to express gratitude to the other person, and aim to have a pleasant encounter. Avoid bringing up topics such as past relationships, discussing the matchmaking agency you’re with, or other matchmaking experiences. Refer to our ‘Matchmaking Don’ts Guide’ for a list of topics to avoid.
Of course, “talking about hobbies” is fine, but that should not be the only topic of conversation.
About time and cost
The recommended duration for a matchmaking meeting is about one hour. It is still customary for men to pay for the woman’s “tea fee” during the meeting.
The lady must not take this as a given, however, and should not forget to say “thank you.”
About introductions or accompaniment by counselors for matchmaking meetings
Depending on the plan you took out when joining, there may be introductions or accompaniment at the time of the meeting. The customer should pay for the “drinks charge” of the accompanying counselor.
About exchanging contact information
It is prohibited for the two parties to exchange contact information (including business cards) at the time of the matchmaking meeting. If both parties want to take things further they can do so via our company. You can also exchange LINE information.
Once the meeting is over
Please contact your counselor as early as possible on the same day. It is good manners to communicate your conclusion regarding whether to progress to dating as early as possible. Please report to us by 1PM on the following day at the latest.
About penalties
With the IBJ system, matchmaking meetings cannot be canceled once established
If you are forced to cancel (including cases when the other party judges it is not possible because you are 15 minutes or more late on the day in question), you will need to pay the designated penalty.
Note that canceling after the agencies of both sides have finished business on the day before the matchmaking meeting counts as “same day cancelation.”
Matchmaking rules & etiquette – dating edition
First contact after exchanging contact information
After dating is established, your contact details will be exchanged via our company. Contact the other party as quickly as possible (basically by telephone.) It is good manners for the man to make contact on the day that the contact details are exchanged. If you do not have much time, be sure to at least call to send your regards.
In case the call goes to an answering service, be sure to leave a message. If a lady receives a call, she should be sure to call back.
It is against the rules and bad manners to not meet the other person, without good reason, after agreeing to date, and you will need to pay the designated penalty.
About the first date
Go on the first date without leaving too much time after dating is established. When leaving them, be sure to say, “Thank you for meeting me today.” Both expressing a bored attitude or touching in an over-familiar way are bad manners.
About costs for the date
Both parties should make sure that the date costs are not exorbitant. If possible, the man should pay for the date.
The lady should not expect to be treated all the time, and should express a humble attitude by saying, ‘I’ll pay next time'”.
Dating support from our company is a short cut to a successful match
Be sure to provide a report on the status of the dating at least once a month while you are dating. Rather than trying to solve all of your problems alone, “consulting” with us even on the smallest matters will lead to good relationships. Don’t hesitate to discuss things with your counselor.
About the dating period
Ideally, the dating period after the matchmaking meeting should be around three months from the date of the meeting, and up to a maximum of six months. During this period, please indicate your intention to marry (and cancel your membership due to successful match) to the responsible counselor. Consult with the counselor if you wish to extend the period due to various circumstances. If you do not make such a report and you marry someone you met through our agency after withdrawing, you will be required to pay the equivalent of investigation costs and a successful match fee.
Points to note during the dating period
According to our rules, it is considered a “successful match” if you engage in marriage, engagement, or equivalent outcomes (such as a ‘promise of marriage,’ ‘trips involving overnight stays,’ ‘premarital relations,’ ‘cohabitation,’ or ‘if the dating period is extended and exceeds a total of six months (the standard dating period is three months)’). To avoid any such issues from arriving, it is prohibited to go on trips together or engage in premarital relations during the dating period.
In case it comes to light that the two of you have stayed together overnight, gone on a trip, or have engaged in premarital relations, this will be considered a “successful match”, regardless of your actual intentions, and you will need to undergo procedures to withdraw from the company on a successful match.
As exchanging or lending money can also cause problems, this is prohibited.
Ending the relationship
If you choose to end the relationship, please do so via our company. Avoid saying “NO” directly to the other partner, and contact your counselor. After ending the relationship, promptly delete the contact information of the other party that you have registered. It is strictly forbidden to directly contact the other party directly after you have ended the dating relationship. Be aware that this can be viewed as harassment.